Les Misérables, tant pis!

Cell phone picture done by my shaky hands


I am a dormant high-end commercial/fashion/glamor photographer, school teacher/instructor, syndicated journalist/columns/books author/image builder/endorser/promoter, occasionally live event audio mixer/DMX lighting technician, makeup artist & stylist, record producer, entertainment manager, ... all at once, you just name it, for 27+ years now

Don't be fooled by my façade...

I, the superman/invincible alpha man, was finally prostrate from physical and mentally conditions sharply deteriorating around 2007, way since early symptoms started to surface while making a couple of (bestsellers) travel books about England in 1998, due to my whole life's incessant overworked and the suffocated accumulation of anxieties, of phobias.

Please refer to the link below for a showcase,

Métier Outlines of Don Schumann


My toddler through Childhood years' fear of mannequins, only to man-size and up (hence, SIZE really matters! not quite paedophobia), was driving me crazy. Aside from problems with closeness, claustrophobia (fear of enclosed spaces)/aquaphobia (fear of water)/acrophobia (fear of heights), hence, hypsophobia (fear of high places),... I have to struggle to make strenuous effort to talk in public, to bump into strangers or acquaintances, sort of like stage fright or public shy (topophobia), somewhat agoraphobia/scopophobia (fear of being looked at; getting attentions).

(even as of the time of this typing) To write and read (as a dyslexic victim), not to being so hard on myself as a perfectionist, not to set everything right and in perfect orders, not to fear/worry every single detail,... But my case is more of socialized anal retentiveness than OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). So no one is going to say "Don't ever move Don's stuff, as he can get very anal about things like that!" No one.

Once, no, twice, to be exact, a seriously abused kid not only from my adoption family alone but from my own blood mother as well.

For further details,

(A Postcard in) All Seasons

Dyslexia and I

Introversion Test


And on top of all that, I have got the imminent medical issues to tackle with. The blood pressure issues, trigeminal neuralgia (TN), rheumatism, thyrotoxicosis (irregular heartbeat), Myasthenia Gravis, Transient Ischemic Attack, Ataxia (Incoordination), Acute myocardial infarction (AMI)/Heart Attack, incurable rare disease of fibrositis (or FMS, fibromyalgia syndrome)* and its complications of Raynaud's Disease**, Enuresis (repetitive urination [ranging from every 15 to 60 minutes, depends on the the attacks] day and night), inflammation all over (particularly eyes, blood vessel [hence, "mini-strokes" or "transient ischemic attacks" is inevitable] and abdominal organs [including spermatic cord]) and daily excessive sweating and chills (in rotation), also occasional hearing lost and acute Glaucoma. Three months ago, I frustratingly couldn't even hold a book or use a knife/fork. Without mere muscles strength to climb up and down the steps. Also severe & daily/frequent muscle cramps, (fingers, toes, arms, thighs, legs, feet,...).

For your references,

Wheel of Life


Now, I am finally making a big progress of gaining some physical strength back in the last three months. I am more than ready to confront all of my subconscious fears deep down inside head on, at the same time. To get over it with lifelong afflictions, let it be physically or mentally.

I am totally sick of being inactive, wasting my will powers, my talents for so long. And I feel like it is the time to take on, to step out, to face the world as a new man, as a whole self.



Luckily, I don't have the anglophobia (fear of England or the English) though.

New Bear Grylls TV Show flyer, courtesy of Betty TV, UK

*Fibromyalgia is a common syndrome in which a person has long‑term, body‑wide pain and tenderness in the joints, muscles (or stiffness, or weakness, or no muscle strength), tendons, and other soft tissues. Fibromyalgia has also been linked to fatigue, sleep problems, restless, headaches, depression and anxiety.

*Fibrositis is a misnomer for a very common form of nonarticular rheumatism. The name implies an inflammatory process in fibroconnective tissue which has never been verified. The symptoms of fibrositis are ill-defined musculoskeletal pain made worse by stress, cold and/or damp, damp weather, noise and unaccustomed exercise; there is usually a significant element of depression, non-restorative sleep, chronic fatigue and early morning stiffness. Results of physical examination are strikingly normal, apart from painful tender spots which are remarkably consistent in location from patient to patient. It is important to realize that fibrositis can complicate diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis and systemic lupus erythematosus, where its prompt recognition is essential in averting inappropriate medication. Drug therapy alone is seldom effective in alleviating symptoms; a carefully planned education program is necessary to readjust both psyche and soma.

Associated conditions of Fibromyalgia (Fibrositis):
Anxiety.
Depression.
Irritable bowel syndrome.
Irritable bladder.
Dysmenorrhoea.
Premenstrual syndrome.
Restless leg syndrome.
Non-cardiac chest pain.
Temporomandibular joint pain.
Raynaud's phenomenon**.
Sicca syndrome.
Rheumatoid arthritis: approximately 25% of patients with rheumatoid arthritis also have fibromyalgia.
Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE): approximately 50% of patients with SLE also have fibromyalgia.


**Raynaud's phenomenon
Raynaud’s phenomenon is a condition in which cold temperatures or strong emotions cause blood vessel spasms. This blocks blood flow to the toes, finger, ears, eyes and nose.



P.S. just a reminder: I might not look great on camera right now, though, due to my illness and stage shy, too.